You Look Just Like Your Enemy

Do you ever have dreams involving ostensibly trivial things – like the date, for instance – and then wake up and go about your day thinking it’s a week ahead of reality? I do. I’ve been breathing hard all morning because I thought I’d been here for a full month already and that would mean time is going by too fast which in turn would mean I’m not really living in the moment. Needless to say, I was delighted to find out just now that it’s only been three weeks.

Well so. It’s been three weeks.

Moment of honesty: Writing updates is difficult because I feel like I’ve gotta say something profound and moving and original and I don’t feel up to it most of the time. Actually, that’s the same reason I don’t blog as much as I’d like to. Or write music. Or create.

Wow. Epiphanies.

Alright, I’m just gonna tell you how things are going.

The language is a lot harder than I expected it to be, but I found a really cool way to measure progress: I watch Pan’s Labyrinth once a week and see how much more I understand. It’s fun, except for that scene in which the doctor amputates a leg 1940’s-style.

Unfortunately, that’s just the understanding bit. The speaking bit is so much harder, and I’ll tell you why: I hate looking foolish. I hate making mistakes. I have this fantasy in my head that one day I’ll just start speaking flawless Castellano and everyone will be amazed – I want you to be amazed at me – and there will be all these accolades and big eyes and pats on the back and Wow Ian is so smart!

Sad, but true.

I know I’ve written about that before, but I wanted to make sure you know I’m still not perfect. I had a lot of you fooled, I know.

So how do I get out of that? (I feel a soap box coming on.) I mean, that’s the question, right?  Or it should be. I can’t count how many times I’ve been talking to someone and they reveal a flaw and they just throw up their hands and say Well that’s just me. Really? That’s just you? I’ll tell you what I think: I think you’re lazy. Or you’re building walls to hide behind because you want to be satisfied and all this imperfection is not satisfying, is it? So you gotta figure out a way to make it okay. We’re all just trying to be okay.

Well, wake up. You will never be okay if all you do is build walls to hide behind. The answer for you is the same as the answer for me. In my case, I’m running around seeking everyone’s approval. Why? I’ve made an idol out of people. More specifically, out of people’s praise. In other words, I’m worshiping at the altar of people’s good opinions. The answer is to start worshiping God.

When that happens – and I know, because I’ve experienced it – everything falls into place. When I’m really, seriously worshiping God with my life, the puzzle fits together. It affects everything. And beyond that, what’s available is not just being okay but total satisfaction. I’m gonna say that again, in case you missed it: complete, utter, absolute, consummate, unmitigated, comprehensive, out-and-out satisfaction is available in the person of Jesus Christ. Man, I want that.

Ok this is turning into less of an update and more of a sermon. I’m just not content to sit around sighing about my inadequacies (insofar as they are a result of my inaction) and I don’t think you should be either. So let’s start figuring out what our idols are, huh?

Anyway.

Ropes Course
Mark has asked me to spearhead the planning and building of a ropes course for the camps this summer! God has provided in a lot of ways to make this a reality, the most notable of which is the person of my brother-in-law, Alex. Alex has a lot of experience with experiential education by way of wilderness trips and ropes courses, and is an invaluable resource for this project. We’re still in the very beginning stages – developing a (my) mental framework, which is of utmost importance – but plan to move this forward very quickly. It’ll be a miracle if it comes together, because camp starts on the first of July.

Ok I’m all write-ed out. We’ve got some things to pray for, you and I.

That reminds me: I’d really like to hear from you. Yes, you. You don’t have to comment on here, but maybe a quick Facebook message or email to let me know what’s going on in your world. We gotta stay connected!

Love.